I’ll be giving a talk in England next week and flew over yesterday. The back of the plane arrives at the same time as the front, so I usually book economy class (being frugal is one thing that makes millionaires). However, to my surprise, the airline gave me a free upgrade to first class. Then the dilemma became, how do I explain this one to my wife Baiba? We usually fly economy, and she kids me that I probably go first class when I fly alone. So here’s the email I sent her:
A terrible thing has happened. As I boarded the plane, I heard my name being called and they informed me that I was being upgraded to first class. Yes, I tried to fight it, but they insisted.
It’s been horrible. I mean, I’ve wasted so much time with all the gadgets in this private seat pod. It took me half an hour just to figure out how to make the seat recline into a bed, let alone get the back massage function working. Whoops, excuse me, “Yes, more champagne, please. And more exotic nuts!”
They just keep nagging me to eat, eat, eat. First, a hot baguette, herb omelette, and fresh fruit breakfast. Then non-stop bowls of mixed nuts. Then I had to choose between black cod, butter chicken, steak, or wild mushroom lasagna. All these decisions distracting me from work! And I’ve eaten so much I feel totally bloated. I yearn to be back in economy with stale sandwiches and a snarly flight attendant yelling, “No we don’t have peanuts!”
And this damn seat pod has so much room that my stuff is all over the place and I can’t find anything. Wait, I just have to adjust the personal reading light on the wall beside me. There that’s better. With all these interruptions for technology and food, it’s just sooo difficult to work. I’m going to complain about this involuntary upgrading and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Especially if you’re with me. I mean, you would be stuck in your own little seat pod by yourself, playing with all these gadgets, and totally heartbroken that you’re not beside me.
At last the plane is landing! Now I can get out of this hell hole. And to add insult to injury, because I’m a premium passenger I have to go quickly through fast-track customs clearance in seconds, rather than standing in a long lineup and being able to chat for hours with the nice, real people from economy class.
Will it never end!